By: Carol Goldsmith, The Discovery Coach

An anchor means different things to different people. To me, as a Neuro-linguistic coach, an anchor is a conditioned response to an external trigger. An old melody that takes you back to the high school prom, or a smell that puts the taste of Grandma's apple pie in your mouth, are anchors that can carry you far away. To Richard, a U.S. Coast Guard instructor, an anchor means something else entirely.

Or does it?

Recently Lt. Richard was teaching a young Coast Guard recruit about safety on the seven seas. "If a sudden storm comes up and a huge wave hits you broadside," Lt. Richard asked, "what do you do to keep the boat upright?"

The young recruit snapped to attention. "Throw out an anchor, SIR."

Richard nodded his approval. "And what would you do if another wave hit you port-side?"

Again came the answer: "Throw out an anchor, SIR."

"OK," said Richard, a bit wearily. "Now a third wave comes up and smacks you hard on the starboard side. What would you do then?"

"Throw out an anchor, SIR."

Richard's question was triggering a conditioned response in the inexperienced lad. Trapped in a neuro-linguistic box, he reacted as predictably as Pavlov's salivating dog to the sound of a bell, or my car's squealing tires when a roadside ice cream stand appears.

Richard eyed the young recruit. "Let me ask you something, son. Where are you getting all those anchors?"

"The same place you're getting all those waves, SIR."

Flexibility is crucial to learning and growth. But how can we respond in flexible ways when we're hauling around old anchors? Awareness is the first step to making a change.

The next time you react in a way you don't like, notice what triggered your habitual response. It could be a word, a sound, a taste, touch, or smell, a particular expression on someone's face. Hit the emotional pause button fast, then ask yourself: "What caused me to lose my temper, make that remark, feel that sick, sinking sensation in the pit of my stomach, judge that person so harshly?"

Just by asking the question, you've inserted a split-second of thought between the trigger and your conditioned response. Now you can ask yourself the follow-up question that hadn't occurred to the Coast Guard recruit: "What else could I do in this situation? How else could I respond to that wave?"

Train your brain to think about choice. The more you practice flexible thinking, the less likely you are to be knocked off course. And life will be much smoother sailing.

(c) Copyright 2006

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