1. People respond to their individual map of reality.
The most famous phrase in NLP is this: "The map is not the territory." Just as a map of Washington, D.C. is a representation of the city (not the city itself), a person's beliefs about the world are not the world. They are representations, or beliefs, about what constitutes reality. Everyone maps the world differently. Two witnesses to a car accident may give completely different accounts to police. And yet, each account is an accurate description of what that person experienced. Events and experience are two different things. Put another way, reality is relative.

2. The meaning of the message is the response you get.

What a speaker says is not necessarily what a listener hears. If your intention is to make yourself understood, then it behooves you to make sure that your listener is interpreting the message as you intended. Asking is the best way is to find out.

3. People work perfectly.
No one is wrong or broken. NLP's purpose is not to "fix" anyone. Its purpose is to help people determine what they want, identify what's getting in the way, and take action toward its achievement. The question is not whether people can succeed, but how.

4. People make the best choices available to them.
In any situation, people do the best they can. Think of a time in your life when things didn't go your way. Were you doing the best you could then, given the knowledge and resources available to you? Or did you go into the situation thinking, "Let me make the worst possible choice"? Undoubtedly, you made the best decision you could with what you had to work with. Had a better choice been available, you'd have made that instead.

5. Everything is an outcome.

Outcomes are the result of actions. The question is: Are you getting the outcome you want? If not, then it's useful to study the behaviors, thoughts, and beliefs that led to the unintended consequence. No doubt you've heard insanity defined as doing the same thing over and over, and expecting a different result. Vary the inputs and the outcome will differ. Keep at it until you get the outcome you want.

6. Failure is merely feedback.

The most successful people in history succeeded in "failing" more times than the average person. They even failed to see their actions as failures. Thomas Edison once told a reporter that he'd found 9,999 different ways to not invent the electric light bulb. Each experiment provided useful feedback that eventually led to success.

7. All behavior is useful in some context.

There's no such thing as a useless behavior or emotional response. Even undesirable emotions like fear have their proper place in life. Wouldn't you rather feel an appropriate amount of fear when you're walking down a dark alley, rather than be totally oblivious to any danger signs? Behaviors don't need to be eliminated. Rather, they need to be put in an appropriate context and managed accordingly.

8. Every behavior has a positive intent.
Behaviors are intended to benefit the person exhibiting them. Dig beneath the surface of the most destructive or self-sabotaging behavior, and you'll find that its core intention is positive. Smokers don't smoke because they want to get cancer; their intention is to relax or connect with other smokers. Suicide bombers don't blow themselves up because of low self-esteem; their behavior is linked to a higher cause. Find a positive way to meet the underlying need, and the offending behavior will change.

9. Choice trumps no choice.

People often get stuck in the Land of Either/Or. "Either I do this, or I do that." One choice is no choice. Two choices is no choice, it's a dilemma. The key to getting unstuck in your thinking is to brainstorm at least one additional choice. Even a ludicrous option represents a choice and sets you free. From there unlimited choices can be available.

10. People with the most choices lead the most fulfilling lives.
The Law of Requisite Variety states that the part of a system that exhibits the most choice controls that system. Said simply, flexibility is power. Exercising choice is like exercising a muscle. The more you do it, the stronger you get.

11. People have all the resources they need.
If it's possible for one person, it's possible for others. Every human being has all the resource s/he needs to achieve a desired outcome. Granted, there are differences between people in their talents, capabilities, and skills. But those resources are still available to us if we choose to cooperate. Anything that's possible in human experience is possible in yours.

12. Experience has structure. Change the structure and the experience will change
There are structural elements to every experience: Context, stimulus, internal imagery (remembered and constructed), internal dialog, internal emotional sensations, and external behaviors. Change any of these elements, or reorder their sequence, and the resulting response will be very different. Milton H. Erickson refers to this a "breaking habitual sets."

Remember, none of the above statements are true. You may agree with some of them, or not. Hopefully, you will find some useful in your work with clients, and in your personal life.

Carol can be reached for telephone coaching sessions at: 703-860-6178.

Email: carol@carolgoldsmith.com