Science has discovered a new atomic mass: Administratium.

This new element has no protons or electrons, thus having an atomic number
of 0. It does, however, have 1 neutron, 125 assistant neutrons, 75 vice
neutrons and 111 assistant vice neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by a force called morons, which are
surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.

Since it has no electrons, Administratium is inert. However, it can be
detected as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact.

According to the discoverers, a minute amount of Administratium causes one
reaction to take over four days to complete when it would normally take
less than a second.

Administratium has a normal half-life of approximately three years; it
does not decay but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion
of the assistant neutrons, vice neutrons, and assistant vice neutrons
exchange places.

In fact, an Administratium sample's mass will actually increase over time,
since with each reorganization some of the morons inevitably become
neutrons, forming new isotopes. This characteristic of moron promotion
leads some scientists to speculate that Administratium
is spontaneously formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in
concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as the "Critical
Morass."